5 Years Later

5 years. I can hardly believe it. It seems like a lifetime ago and just yesterday all at the same time. He isn’t who he was 5 years ago.

I still remember how my hands shook when I gave him that first shot in his hospital bed. “Are you ok?” I would whisper that first time and for months after. And then his follow-up question after I finished up, “How many more shots will I need, Mom?”

5 years. Eli was only in kindergarten. How can I put into words the journey we have been on? A little boy and now a bright young man. A deep relationship forged between mother and son, father and son, and his two older brothers and a little sister. Waking up countless times in the night will strengthen those bonds. He has a rock solid faith in his Savior. Overcoming fear and hardship will grow that in a soul.

We endured so much. Eli lost his vision for 6 crushing weeks. My husband was serving as an associate pastor of our long-time church and they couldn’t wrap their minds around what we were going through. We were turned away, so we left, grieving, and then prayerfully decided to move across the country for a fresh new start. God opened up that door by selling our home in just one day! We found a new church home and settled in, holding our breath. We weren’t the same people we had been just one year before.

We thrived. A new school and a new home. Settling into our new life in another state and with this big thing called “Type 1 Diabetes.” My husband was asked to take on a pastor role at our new church. At the same time, the school my four children now attend asked me to take on a 3rd grade classroom. I am able to teach and be right there when Eli needs me. (And yes, he sometimes still does!)

Each and every bit that we have lost in our suffering God has graciously restored, confirmed, strengthened and established. 1 Peter 5:10

5 years. Deep breath. This is our straight A+ student, basketball playing, Bible Study leading, speech giver (currently self-learning guitar over Christmas break, lol). We love him to pieces. We are so very proud of him. He isn’t who he was 5 years ago, and that’s a wonderful thing.

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."  1 Peter 5:10

THE UNRAV E L I N G

Like a ball of yarn that suddenly hits the floor, gaining speed as it bounces along...

My eyes grew wide at what I saw coming, the ball quickly beginning to fall apart, and I was instantly filled with dread.

At Year One, I thought we had made it. Deep breath; we knew what we were doing. But as Year Two came along, and our life unraveled around us, bringing us to the core of each and every loss and this terrified fear, we realized we were wrong: There was more unraveling to be done.

It's been two years since our son was diagnosed with a life-long disease that few people understand, and most are confused about. Honestly, it's been the two longest, hardest years of our life. Type 1 "Juvenile" Diabetes wasn't welcome here; this unraveling was exactly what we feared the most. But like a loving Father, Perfect Love carried us through and let us see His character, through terrified eyes, like we had never seen it before: His faithfulness, His goodness, and His loving-kindness.  As we unraveled, God's character unfolded, revealing Perfect Love.

"Perfect love casts out fear."

As the tips of Eli's fingers have grown calloused and tough with the hundreds and hundreds of finger pricks, Perfect Love tenderized our toughened hearts. As some friends crouched away, not wanting to come in, Perfect Love drew near and never left us. When Eli lost his vision for several weeks and we broke down, imagining our son was now blind, Perfect Love miraculously healed his eyes and gently picked us back up. When we thought we couldn't get up even one more time in the middle of the night to prick a finger, Perfect Love gave us His strength to do it again, and then again. As we painfully heard of other children dying in their sleep from this frightening disease, Perfect Love gave us His peace that surpasses all understanding.

"Perfect love casts out fear."

We are unraveled. But as we got to the end of ourselves, we found Him, at the center. This Perfect Love.

He's all there truly is. He's all we truly need. And as He lovingly puts us back together, we can honestly say, we are thankful.

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." 1 John 4:18a

{I am writing this after checking Eli's blood sugar last night at 2:00 a.m. Type 1 "Juvenile" Diabetes does not rest!}

Our Brave One!